The news has been cancelled for the morning of 1 April until a carmaker sends out an actual press release about a real thing. 

This special measure has been taken because not only can we not trust anything we’re told by anyone on April Fools’ day (not a real day), that then extends to you not being able to trust anything that we say that we’ve been told by anyone. 

So far this morning we’ve had emails about a power wash attachment for dogs on new Skodas (these are actually available via other manufacturers, but you’ll have to buy an Aston Martin DBX), ‘crack control’ shorts and trousers via Fiat Professional, and an electric van brand we’ve never heard of has announced a nostalgia app that plays diesel noises through the speakers and vibrates your seat. 

It doesn’t end there – there’s news of a brand new Chery Tiggo 4 entry level model that comes with steel wheels and plastic bumpers (that might not be a joke) (it is though), Jaecoo introducing real grass floor mats for its cars and a Mercedes-Benz vans dealership in Blackburn that just spent £15,000 on beehives that might actually be serious. 

But how are we to know? And why would you release an update on your sustainability initiative on 1 April? We can’t trust anything anymore. They’ve called them ‘Merce-bees’ for goodness’ sake. What is the point of anything anymore?

So what we’re going to do is turn the internet off, go and lie down in a quiet room and ready a nice cup of coffee for 12pm when we’ll have some proper actual news again.