Vauxhall Grandland Long Term Review

So when the Grandland said it was going to perform a ‘Performance Update’ I was excited. What was I going to get? An extra 200 horsepower? More range? The ability to translate foreign languages just by hearing people talk?

It turns out the update seemed to merely wipe all of the settings I’d carefully put into the car. This included changing the electric boot so that it no longer worked and you had to force it to open and close. It also meant the clever pixel headlamps stopped working, and meant I had to go deep into menus which seemed to be hidden on the dark web somewhere in order to reset them. I would have read the manual, but obviously that is hidden somewhere in the menus too….

Once restored there seemed to be no discernible difference but the car plodded along as usual. Until one day it did something strange. I popped out of the car to post a letter, leaving the door open and the car in ‘Park’. When I got back in, the car refused to move saying all the seat belts were unfastened – which they were as no one was in them. I had to plug in all the belts until the car would agree to move.

On two other occasions the Grandland has told me the driver’s belt in unfastened when it hasn’t been. At the same time it’s said the forward collision mitigation has been disabled – so they must be linked. I’ve had to endure the bongs until the car gives us warning me. Stopping, locking the car and leaving it for a few minutes seems to reset it. 

I’ve tried to think of any reason this might happen and the only link is that I had programmed in long journeys to the sat nav. Perhaps it was scared at the idea of going too far from home.